I eat more than just oatmeal, I swear…
I just clicked through my “recipes” page on here and realized it is extremely oatmeal heavy… haha I think it more has to do with the fact that I wake up super motivated to blog and be all food savvy on this blog in the morning, and then I have work and get all busy as the day goes on and woop, there you go, another morning comes and, hey!! More oatmeal!!
Consciously working on posting more of my food creations for this blog, as well as bulking up on thoughts and yums in general because who wants another serving of WendyBel’s Bowl?! Why, everybody, of course!
A lot of this blog chronicles my dabbling in different ways of creating a healthy lifestyle. In other words, all the ways in which I try too hard. I hear it from all angles, at least once a week: “You’re too hard on yourself, Wendy.” Well, yeah, I am. Because I expect a lot. Because I want to be a good person, I want to feel good, i want to be beautiful and healthy and strong.
This got me thinking just now, what is inherently “me?” If I stop trying, if I’m having a hard week, if I lose the motivation to be so hard on myself all the time, what is left? What do I cling to? What is essentially Wendy?
Surprise, Surprise #1: I’m not a committed yogini, after all—I’m a runner. When the going gets tough, I run. When it comes down to it, yoga or running, I run. I absolutely love running, I do believe I was born to run, barefoot. My legs are long and strong, my stride is brilliant, and my breath is steady and calm, even when I’m wearing myself out. I love the heat and the energy, and the chance to wave to random strangers who are putting themselves through the same trail you are, just in the opposite direction.
#2: I eat pretty damn good every day. I used to think it was my fear of getting cancer that kept me in the organic produce aisle every week, but after finally releasing all that grief I held, here I am, still buying mostly organic fruits and veggies, and continually stocking my fridge with vegan feed. I indulge in eggs and fish with the ones I love. I won’t fight you if you put gouda, feta, or goat cheese on something I was hoping to eat.
#3: I am a gypsy. And I mean the modern and sexy kind, of course. I reach for my deck of tarot cards when life throws me a curveball that twists a knot in my throat. I use essential oils like tea tree, lavender, patchouli, bergamot, and clary sage in my baths and on my skin almost religiously these days. I mentally catalog the phases of the moon and wonder if it’s affecting my feelings at certain times. I read Rumi like it’s a road map. I give myself over to my empathic tendencies, and take epsom salt baths daily in hopes that it not only draws out the toxins, but any negative energy as well (with the help of Eucalyptus oil, of course.)
#4: I will forever be a kid, trapped in an aging person’s body. I will forever love playing tag, hide and seek, any form of board games, cards, coloring books, sticker collections, cartoons, Disney/Nickelodeon anything, dressing up, and wearing whatever the hell I want, all at the same time, regardless of if it really goes together. For me, this is healthy.
#5: I need to feel the energy of nature as often as possible. Resetting myself by visiting a forest of trails, or walking the beach, or feeling overtaken by a gust of wind. Camping in the wilderness.
#6: I cannot help engaging in nervous habits. Biting my nails, chewing the inside of my lip, kicking the air with my feet when I’m upset. Running as a way of escape.
#7: Music. I was reminded of this two days ago, on my Dad’s 60th birthday celebration. He tells stories of growing up only after recalling which of his favorite albums by his favorite band came out on the same year. The kind of music that gets your foot tapping, and then your whole leg, and soon enough, by golly, you gotta get up and dance… that’s the music that is ingrained in my soul to always love and appreciate.
#8: I’m an incredibly loyal individual. I cannot fight this one, especially with the people I love. I am painstakingly loyal, sometimes to my detriment. But I strongly believe that this quality that I cannot escape or abandon will always bring me home to where I am meant to be in the end.
Take a moment and wonder, what is innately you? Strip away the distractions like health kicks, or motivation of reaching a goal… in the heat of any regular old, run-of-the-mill moment, what is inherently you? What threads hold you together the tightest?