This is what our apartment has looked like over the past week or so. This one is the simplest—carrot & apple juice. Brilliance!

Pink oatmeal (raspberries, blueberries, blackberries with coconut flakes, pumpkin pie spices, almond butter, almond milk) topped with banana, cinnamon, and this amazing raw honey my boyfriend’s mother gave me for my birthday. Nothing like some good quality sweetness to start the day right!

It’s Monday. Let’s make this a wonderful week.

My new “thing.” Filtered refrigerated water with cucumbers, lemons, strawberries, etc. I have Palm Springs to thank for this inspiration.

This morning I added a few chocolate chips to my oatmeal…. Heavenly

I have strange “comfort food…”

Kidney beans tossed in ketchup, mustard, garlic, and spices with a handful of vegan mozzarella. Toasted bread with eggplant spread and a bit of the same cheese.

Ketchup-Mustard “sauce” is something you can only make fun of AFTER you try it.

Unnecessary side note: can you tell I need to go to the grocery store?

Someone told me not too long ago that the battles you face each day don’t change. Only the players change. If this is true, then you may start to recognize patterns not necessarily in your daily life, but mostly in the way you react to it. Patterns in your thinking, patterns in your strengths, but mostly patterns in your weaknesses. Recognizing this idea—that each day presents the same battle with different players offering you the same pattern of challenges you’ve had the opportunity to overcome before—is the first step towards breaking the cycle. It’s the first step towards changing the patterns and creating strength out of an old weakness.

I’m caught thinking of patterns like this because I recently approached a cliff that I have come across once before in my life. However, I didn’t jump off it this time. No, this time I stepped back and measured its depth and decided I wouldn’t fall into that same abyss again. Now I’m walking along side it, admiring the view and feeling the wind in my hair.

Take care with your life. Don’t allow yourself to repeat old habits, mistakes, or hiccups. Treat yourself as you would your best friend, your mother, your child, or someone else you love dearly. Keep an eye out for sharp or sudden cliffs. Take a long, deep breath. Close your eyes. And think: “There, that… That breath was what is important. These lungs. This smile.” All of them are of utmost importance.

I found a new place to play around today. The tennis court that is always empty (fingers crossed!) at my apartment complex. So peaceful, I actually successfully meditated for a full 5 minutes.
Tonight I had a conversation with Allison about the mask of “veganism” when it comes to disordered eating. The way it’s the “safer” form of restrictive eating because it’s socially acceptable, even a fad, these days. The way I feel shame for consciously ending my vegan diet. Because of that same societal fads factor; I feel lesser than. I feel like I’m failing myself. I feel like I’m letting myself give in to weakness. So much bullshit self-talk goes on inside my head sometimes, let me tell you.
Trying to adjust. Trying to take what I see in the mirror as who I am inside. Trying to keep play very alive in my life, when so much, so often, is just too too serious.
Yoga has become a battle for me lately. The stuff it has taught me most is off the mat: that my body looks different in its “natural state” as opposed to when I am running all the time and eating a strict vegan raw food diet. That my body and mind are healthier in this natural state. That there is more to life than tight thighs and 7 minute miles.

Simplifying things today.

Do you have days or weeks where all you want is something bland?

I always try to understand what it means. Because I do think it means something, any cravings we have.

I learned last night that the best foods for anxiety are peanuts and apples. I immediately thought of a few months ago, I even blogged it when it was happening— all I wanted, breakfast lunch and dinner, was peanut butter sandwiches and apple slices with cinnamon. It was during a time that I couldn’t stop chewing my nails.

Your body has its own wisdom. The best practice you can do is quiet your mind and listen to your body.

Mahi Mahi with brown rice, tomatoes, pico de gallo, garlic eggplant spread, cilantro, spices, salt and pepper. Music to my ears. Thank you, Mahi Mahi, for your gift of good eats and nutrition. I love you for the way you heal me.

Kick starting with a solid breakfast of pumpkin pie spiced oatmeal with coconut flakes and a ton of fresh fruit.

Recent goals and challenges in my world have included simply eating 3 meals a day, no snacking. A vital component to this exercise is to create nutritionally powerful meals. It doesn’t allow for “fluff,” which is great for somebody like me, because I tend to mindlessly munch on fluff when I’m carrying on throughout the day. Also, I’ve been working towards becoming more aware of my hunger. Many times I find myself reaching for the fridge door before asking myself, “Am I even hungry?” If the answer is No, I sit down and assess my situation. What is making me want to eat? Common answers in my own experience are -I am anxious about something I have to do later; -I am worried that if I don’t eat more now, I will be hungry during my shift at the restaurant later; -I’m bored.

Trying to quiet emotions with food is a cyclical, never-ending battle that results in nothing but more anxiety and fear. Three meals creates a structure to stand by, and also a solution: I know when I will eat my next meal, I know that it will be hearty enough to carry me to the one after that, and I know that anything I eat in between is simply fluff. As this mentality has started growing on me, I’m finding myself enjoying water and tea a lot more throughout the day. Especially with my job conditions, it is super difficult for me to drink as much water as I need. So there it is: yet another solution!

I’ve realized that this exercise works great for me after analyzing my personal struggles, weaknesses, needs, and daily commitments. For someone with a completely different situation, snacking or “grazing” throughout the day might be what works best. The idea is to accept where you are as where you are meant to be, not fight against your daily schedule, and treat yourself as you’d treat a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, or family member you love deeply. Isn’t it strange how that shift in perspective can change so much about the way you treat, feed, and comfort yourself?

This post was inspired, among many things, by a book that I will never stop recommending: Women Food And God by Geneen Roth. Check it out on Amazon here.

Breakfast today was oatmeal, brown sugar, almond milk, and fruit with a million sprinkles of cinnamon.
Trying to bulk up my breakfasts to help eat less later on in the day. Did you know how much that matters? Trial and error for me, at least. When I skimp on breakfast, I am impossible to tame throughout the rest of the day.

Lunch lately: mixed greens and baby spinach, chopped raw red bell pepper, basil leaves, cooked brown rice, and a dressing of olive oil, one spoonful of olive and garlic hummus, and one lemon squeezed.